The Weight We Carry: How Intergenerational Trauma Fuels Anxiety

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Thinking about Ireland always brings fond memories of childhood and adolescent visits—memories I hold dear to my heart. I wish it wasn’t so far away.

But alongside those cherished moments, Ireland also brings to mind inter-generational trauma. The Irish people have endured so much, and in my own healing journey through and beyond severe anxiety and depression, I came to understand just how deeply past trauma can shape us.

I love this quote and have shared it before because it speaks so profoundly to this experience:

“Pain travels through families until someone is ready to feel it… Pain demands to be felt. And somewhere along the line, a child will be born whose charge it is to feel it all.”
— Stephi Wagner

When unresolved pain is passed down through generations, we may carry the weight of it without even realizing. It becomes familiar—like a second skin, a coat of armor. But when that pain begins to surface, it can bring confusion and overwhelm.

For me, understanding the impact of inter-generational trauma was a relief. Yes, it was painful, but recognizing that some of my deepest struggles weren’t solely my own—rather, echoes of the past—helped me make sense of my emotions in a way that resonated deeply. Just that knowing shed enough light to give me the strength I needed to begin letting it go. The very strength that has been a gift from generations past.

Carrying the Past in Our Nervous System

I remember the fear I felt when I first realized I was carrying deep feelings connected to the Irish Potato Famine. I didn’t want to go there. My family never talked about it beyond the simple statement: “A lot of people were starving.” It was never fully integrated or processed.

Since my last blog on this (Understanding Intergenerational Trauma: Healing the Wounds of the Past), I’ve uncovered more pieces of my family history. On my mother’s side, my grandfather, Richard Duff, and his brothers fought in the Irish Civil War. They were imprisoned, sentenced to hard labour, and at the time of their mother’s passing (my great-grandmother Margaret Duff), all of them were being held in a Scottish prison—none allowed to attend her funeral.

But inter-generational trauma isn’t always tied to major historical events like war or famine. It can be personal—grief from a miscarriage, despair from chronic depression, or anger from unfulfilled dreams.

Discovering your mother had a miscarriage just before becoming pregnant with you, or that a grandparent died when your parent was just a child, that a parent was abused in some way or there was an injustice against your family/culture can shed light on the root of your own anxiety.

How Do You Know if Something is Inter-generational?

You may never be able to know for certain, as so many stories are long forgotten. But in my experience, inter-generational trauma often feels:

• Heavy – Like something you’ve been carrying for a long time.

• Familiar – Even if you’ve never experienced anything like it in this lifetime, it feels strangely known.

• Old – It doesn’t feel tied to a specific event in your own life, yet it lingers.

What Can You Do?

• Find out what you can – If you have access to family stories, explore them with curiosity.

• Focus on the feelings rather than the story – Sometimes, we may never have concrete proof of what happened, but we can still process the emotions we carry.

• If unverified “stories” arise, acknowledge them – Work through them as if they are real, while keeping in mind they may not be. The feelings, however, are real and valid.

Do reach out for support in working through your feelings if you are struggling. You don’t have to work through it alone.

Anxiety as a Messenger

Anxiety tells us there is a part of us that does not feel safe. Our nervous system will respond to old wounds and painful emotions as threats. It’s only natural that it tries to protect us. But we can’t run away from it forever.

“Until we make the subconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate.” — C. Jung

Our body carries the memory—the trauma. It wants to be healed. Anxiety is the communication letting us know something needs to be addressed. Something painful needs to be felt. And sometimes, that something is from our family system.

Healing inter-generational trauma isn’t about blaming the past. It’s about recognizing what has been carried forward and creating space for something different. We don’t have to stay bound to the struggles of those who came before us.

When we tend to our nervous system, trust what arises, and allow ourselves to truly feel, we create the possibility of a new way forward—not just for ourselves, but for future generations.

Written by Michele Venema BScN, RN, Psychotherapist, cEFT2 AEFTP
Nurse Psychotherapist/EFT Practitioner

From Shadows to SoulLight Counselling