My story with anxiety - what the…. freeze??

I have a confession to make! Even though I am a Nurse, I didn’t recognize the anxiety I had been carrying for years — I just called it stress. That is, until a few years ago, when I experienced a heightened state of freeze.

At the time, I knew I was stressed, anxious, and even depressed, but in freeze? I didn’t get the classic panic attacks often associated with anxiety, so it had gone unchecked as I continued pushing through — until my nervous system wore out.

“Even though we may not always be aware of danger on a cognitive level, on a neurophysiological level, our body has already started a sequence of neural processes that would facilitate adaptive defense behaviors such as fight, flight, or freeze.”
— Stephen W. Porges, PhD, The Polyvagal Theory

What is the Freeze Response?

Our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) is a built-in defense mechanism that protects us from danger. It prepares us to fight or flee when physical threats are present. However, in today's world, most threats are not physical, yet our bodies still respond as if they are. This often leaves us stuck in survival mode.

“We don’t have all the rituals of attachment and connection. So we’ve come undone. We’ve lost our way.”
— Dr. Gordon Neufeld, Developmental Psychologist

When we lose attachment and connection, especially in childhood, we feel unsafe and move into survival mode. Even if there is no physical abuse or significant loss, any experience that shocks or frightens us can be traumatic.

“When the mind is overwhelmed by trauma or separation, we initially create an alarm energy of fight or flight. But when this high activation doesn't resolve, part of us gives up and we freeze.”
— Dr. Russell Kennedy, MD, Anxiety Rx

As children, we are often disempowered and can’t act in fight or flight. Even as adults, we can't fight off a distressing email or flee from family obligations. We freeze instead, remaining hyper-alert yet immobilized.

Signs of the Freeze Response

Common expressions like "walking on eggshells" or "deer in headlights" describe the freeze state. There’s tension, emotional numbing, and a sense of danger without actual threat. This response builds up in the body over time, leading to both mental and physical illness.

“Traumatic events overwhelm our ability to cope. When the mind becomes flooded with emotion, we unconsciously stop feeling our trauma partway through, like a movie still playing after the sound has been turned off.”
— Susan Pease Banitt, LCSW, Psychotherapist

My Healing Journey: From Anxiety to Awareness

Recognizing freeze in myself was pivotal in my healing. My therapy and resources began focusing on the part of me that didn't feel safe. Through nervous system regulation techniques, I began to calm my body, allowing me to feel emotions I had been avoiding. Gradually, I reclaimed my power and gave voice to the frozen parts of myself.

Of course, healing is a journey and regulating the nervous system is an ongoing practice. But we don’t have to be stuck in survival mode forever. With awareness and self-compassion, we can heal.

“Animals do not view freezing as a sign of inadequacy or weakness, nor should we.”
— Peter A. Levine, PhD

Freezing is not something to blame ourselves for. It is a protective mechanism, and with the right tools, we can bring awareness to it and begin to heal.

Written by Michele Venema BScN, RN, Psychotherapist, cEFT2 AEFTP
Nurse Psychotherapist/EFT Practitioner

From Shadows to SoulLight Counselling