Why is Stress not “Just Stress?”
I had never considered myself anxious—stressed, yes. Being a nurse is demanding work, and I attributed my symptoms to “just stress.” Through my healing journey from debilitating anxiety and depression, I learned that stress is not “just stress.” I discovered the incredible significance of the nervous system in our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
The fact is, I had been carrying a tremendous amount of anxiety without realizing it. Anxiety isn’t just about panic attacks or uncontrollable worry. Symptoms like tightness and tension in the body, difficulty relaxing, and a feeling of urgency and pressure were all too familiar to me—and they are clear indicators that the nervous system is in an alarm state.
Our nervous system is designed to protect us, activating the fight-or-flight response to keep us safe when facing real physical danger, such as encountering a wild animal or avoiding an oncoming car. But here’s the challenge: the nervous system can’t distinguish between actual physical danger, perceived danger, or emotional threats.
Take something as simple as losing your keys. There’s that sudden intake of breath, a brief moment of panic, followed by a sigh of relief once you find them. This is the nervous system in action. However, most “threats” we face today aren’t about immediate physical danger, and we’re often held in this alarmed state for extended periods—sometimes hours, sometimes years. Everyday stressors like alarming news, pressing deadlines, or wondering if someone is upset with us can trigger our fight-or-flight response. When we can’t fight or flee, the body enters a freeze state, where the pent-up energy gets stuck. This prolonged alarm state can lead to anxiety, depression, and even physical illness, as the nervous system’s balance impacts all systems in the body—from heart rate to digestion to immunity. Its health matters deeply.
Understanding this was a key to healing in my journey. It inspired me to pursue therapeutic modalities that help calm the nervous system, process suppressed emotions, and release stored fight, flight, or freeze energy. This discovery profoundly shaped my approach to my work as a Nurse Psychotherapist and is why I became an Emotional Freedom Techniques Practitioner.
Addressing the nervous system’s alarm response is essential for healing not only anxiety but also depression, other emotional struggles, and even physical illnesses. This doesn’t mean we don’t need medical or holistic treatments. It does mean that addressing nervous system health—understanding if it’s in an alarmed, imbalanced state—plays a crucial role in alleviating symptoms on all levels.
As children, when our nervous systems went into alarm, it’s likely that our parents or caregivers, themselves often in survival mode, couldn’t provide the safety we needed to process that stress. Sometimes, it was even our caregivers who created that stress, responding from a place of survival rather than emotional intelligence. As a result, we adopted false beliefs like “It’s my fault,” “I’m not enough,” or “It’s not safe to be me.” We learned to suppress emotions, to adapt and survive by being quiet, acting out, pleasing others, avoiding conflict, or turning to substances. As adults, these patterns persist, and we may feel frustrated with ourselves, wondering why we can’t set boundaries, stop eating, or avoid certain triggers. Often, these “younger parts” of us are still working to protect us, running the show until we go back, acknowledge their fears, and offer the validation they need.
As C.G. Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Stress, then, is not “just stress.” It’s a signal that the body is in a state of alarm, with the nervous system picking up on perceived threats—often related to old hurts—as it tries to protect us. Instead of dismissing stress as “just stress”—whether it’s anxious thoughts, perfectionistic tendencies, or a knot in the stomach—we can use these “signals” to drop out of our heads and into our bodies, where the alarm resides. Allowing ourselves to feel what’s going on in the body through sensations and emotions is a very different approach from trying to “think our way out,” which has long been the traditional approach.
As we learn to recognize these signals from our nervous system—not just as “stress” but as calls for our attention and care—we open the door to real healing. By tuning into our body’s sensations and responses, rather than trying to “think our way out” of them, we can gently calm the nervous system and start to release the stored energy that keeps us feeling anxious or overwhelmed.
This process takes time and self-compassion, but with tools like Emotional Freedom Techniques and other body-based practices, we can support the nervous system in moving out of survival mode and back into balance. When we approach stress as more than “just stress,” we allow ourselves to heal on a deeper level, transforming old patterns into a newfound resilience and well-being.
After all, real change begins when we listen to what our body is telling us—and honor it.
Written by Michele Venema, BScN, RN, Psychotherapist, cEFT2 AEFTP
Nurse Psychotherapist/EFT Practitioner
From Shadows to SoulLight Counselling